04/26/2011

Well, I must say that it has become more comfortable for me to start using the men's restroom at my job now. I don't get the stares like I did yesterday. I guess they are getting use to it! LOL. Everyone has been asking me how was my first day using the new name at work and all, and I love it. My co-workers are really good about using my name and using the male pronouns. They all want to know how the men's restroom differ from the females, and I tell them "I don't know, but what I do know is that I am more comfortable in there than I am in a woman's bathroom". LOL. What I need to do now is get some time together and the money up to go ahead and get my named changed. That way, it can reflect on my name badge and my email and everything. This means that I am going to have to call all of my credit cards and banks to have it changed over. I am also going to have to go the the Social Security office to get it changed over, and then I can go to the DMV and get my license changed to the new name. I can't get the 'M' for sex changed until I go through the entire process.... which entails the top surgery that I am so ready to get.

I have been showered with love and support since I voiced that this is something that I wanted to do. I really can't thank people enough for all of their kind words. Like stated prior, I really just want my parents to be okay with this. I know that they won't but I am hoping that they will come to grips that this is something that has been on my heart since I was young. My whole life, I have been trying to please them and make them happy, as far as my religion is concerned. I have been manipulated, 'guiltified', and coerced into thinking that being me is something so terrible. I had to be something that they were proud of (trophy wise). I had to be the little dressed up dolled up little woman, who is suppose to marry a man, have children, and suppress any and all things that was considered abnormal (to them). To me, that was a far fetched idea. I want to get married, and have children, but I want to marry the woman of my dreams and be the MAN that she has waited for. Living in a guilty household and being afraid to express who you are and your true feelings has hindered me in such a way, all I wanted was acceptance from them. I know that they will love me no matter what, but I know that they will be ashamed to be around me in front of other family members and even their friends. I just want to be who I really am around them. I am not a shameful person.... I stand firm in what I believe in and what I want to do with my life... and that's just it. It is my life and not theirs.