04/06/2011

Well.... I got approved to take some time off to go see my grammie this weekend. I just wanted to spend some time with her before she passes, just to let her know that I care. We all know that she doesn't have long and as long as she is comfortable, that is really all that matters to me. I had a lot on my shoulders with her and my transition. Like stated in a previous post, at one moment she agreed and supported me all for her to say that wait until she is dead before I do it. I was wondering was this punishment for me even wanting to transition, or was this God's way of saying 'hey... this is what you plan on doing and this is my way of allowing you to do it without disrespecting your grammie'. I was battling with it all weekend when I found out she was ill. I still don't know how to take it.... does this mean I will slow down my process.... I don't think so. But it did give me a new outlook on life in general. Life is way too short to be unhappy and stressed out, and typically that is all she has been since I have known her. Down to my grandfather to what we (my twin and I) did on a day to day basis.

On another note. I received an email from the HR department today saying that they have scheduled the management training group for when I transition over. I will not be at this meeting considering it for the management team on how to handle the situation and relay the info to the other agents. And then soon after, they will be composing another meeting for my peers and the other agents that I will be attending. My therapist said that she will draw up some papers for me that I will be able to carry around just in case there is an issue at work or in public with me using the men's restroom. She said it will state what I am doing along with all of her contact information. Which is a big help to me because the last thing that I want is any issues while I'm transitioning.

I actually printed out the paperwork to complete the name change. Even though I LOVE Byron Sebastian.... some people are giving me some flack about it. LOL. They are saying they don't see me as a Byron or that it sounds like a nerdy name. I don't understand it, but as long as it looks good on a resume, I am good. Brandi came up with Treyvon Sebastian, which goes hard too.... but Byron has kinda stuck with me, and Lord knows that I am keeping Sebastian as my middle name. I was thinking about having 2 middle names. But it seems like the one that I have choosen already is a mouthful to say. LOL. This is what I will be called for the rest of my life, so it is something that I will really have to think about and consider. I don't want it to be too far from my real name as is... but I want to leave my birth name in the past because that's where it belongs.... this is a new life I am creating and I want to start fresh and brand new.

S/N: I will have to tell my parents soon about what I am going through. Because I will be taking my first testosterone shot in May, the changes will come and I don't want to wait to late to tell them. With my grammie and all, I don't want to put anything else on them that will have them stressed and depressed. But I know I need to tell them before I go to my appointment in May.... I wish I had some kind of idea on how to lay it down to them with them being so hurt about it. Well.... hope for the best and expect the worse I guess.....

UPDATE: They have changed my appointment from May the 3rd to May the 17th.... it is a two week difference.....