04/15/2011- Dedication to my Grammie

This week has been a rough week for me. I went to see my grammie last weekend.... something was telling me to go down there. Of course, we never know how long a person will last especially when sick, so I made the trip down. I am glad that I gotten the chance to spend some time with her. She passed away yesterday (4/14), which was also my mom's birthday. Of course this day will never be the same. I am not expecting to do good with the 'first'... the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without her, Mother's Day, her birthday.... I am not looking forward to what I will feel like. Her funeral is this coming Tuesday, which I know I will have a hard time with. My mother made the comment of getting something to wear so I could look nice... I told her I work for XXXXXXX, I have to wear nice clothes. LOL. My sister then called me back and was like 'no.... she doesn't want you to look like a boy at the funeral'. It boggled me because my grammie loved me just the way that I was.... and everyone else knows how I dress, why is she so ashamed? Now I'm like.... boy she's really gonna flip when she finds out I'm transitioning!!! But like I will tell her, at least this way, I won't have to shame you in front of your friends for dressing like a boy, because now I am. Good comeback? I think so, but I know it will get my ass kicked too. But I am preparing myself to get my ultimate tattoo... my grammie's face with her birthdate and death date... almost like a mural. It will be on my back.... I wish I can put it somewhere where everyone could see it, but I don't agree with putting tattoos on my forearms or my legs because I want to be a police officer one day (believe it or not, they do look at that). Even though I know she didn't fully agree with my transition, I know that all she wanted for me was for me to be happy, and she supported that aspect of it. So here's to you grammie.... I love you, and you will be missed greatly. R.I.P. Mamie Ruth Bryant