03/28/2011

Good Afternoon,

I have 1 week until my therapy visit and I am hoping I will get my letter to start taking testosterone then. I actually got an invitation to be a part of a documentary to educate those about the transitioning process. I am truly excited about this venture and I am hoping that my journey will be to some service to other individuals in my shoes. There is a lot of information on the web now, especially when it comes to FTM transition. I find it that a lot of people do not understand the state of mind of a person when they make a decision like this. It's not that I'm a lesbian or I just happen to like women and in order for me to feel comfortable about that I have to change my sex. No! It's about my mental state of mind.... when I look in the mirror, I'm disgusted or I do not like what I see. It's the fact that I use to pray every night for God to put me in the body that I am suppose to be in. I have actually had quite a few people to say hey.... I support you! How can I make this more comfortable for you? What should I call you now out of respect? I love it! My cousin, who has been a number 1 supporter since day one, has actually kept me sane thus far! She is always giving me new ideas and has actually inspired me to make this known.... so I can educate others.

I have been wearing my binder all day and I am loving the feeling it gives me. I am comfortable, I can breath.... it's great! I wish that it could push things down a little more, but just the fact that I'm wearing it is a start. I went to the store last night and the clerk actually said sir! I was so pleased by this!!!! And I then went to another store where they called me ma'am.... which I then turned and corrected them. They did give me a funny look and proceed to assist me. But this is who I am, and I need to make it known that this is what I prefer to be called. Because I haven't set a start date for my job, they are still not required to call me my male name, use male pronouns, and me requiring to go to the men's restroom (which I can't wait for the day)! I will at least wait until after my therapy session and then take it from there. I go to the men's restroom in public and all (generally there is no problem there), but at work it's a different story (because of all of the HR concerns). The men's restroom is a lot different from females restroom. Men don't socialize in the bathroom like women do. We are about our business.... we are in, and we are out. You might get a slight nod here or there, but you won't get the 'oh how are you doing' conversation. They differ in smell as well..... I find that a lot of women are conservative about the use of a restroom, where us men.... we use it for what it's for! Now granted, our restroom doesn't smell as nice as a woman's, but at least I'm not at dinner with knots in my stomach either trying to hold something in!