03/26/13

And here I am again. I am still currently waiting on my last letter from my therapist, so I can submit everything to my insurance company for top surgery. It seems like my reality is so close, but yet so far away. Once I get this last letter, everything else will be rolling accordingly. I am still working and anticipating being out for some time due to recovery. I know my co-workers will be happy for me, and I am ready for it to be over with. I am ready to confront my parents now.... more than ever. I want to do it right before my surgery, so there aren't too many moves they can make (e.g. talking me out of it, etc.). I love my parents, but I have to do what is best for me. They do not have to approve, as I am not looking for approval, but I don't want the disrespect to follow. That is where I will draw the line. I know they will be embarrassed because they are very "image conscious" people. Very well known in the church, and to find out that there little girl is now a grown man, it will be a culture shock for them. I am almost for certain I won't be able to go to church with them anymore, and to be extreme, they may write me off and tell everyone I am passed. This is just to save their image in the church. With my father a minister and my mom a missionary, I can anticipate this going oh so wrong.

I am focusing on me and my schooling at this present time. I was in a relationship, and figured I had to back away from it. I am not saying she is a bad woman or anything, but she has done and said some things that had me question my process.... and that is not a good thing, and then I began to question the people around me and their support. It was hard to accept someone who I thought loved me and whom I loved very much to be so hurtful, but that is the way of the world. I would have expected it from a stranger, but no one who actually knew and was informed of the other things I was going through.

I still remain positive, although I will have a lot to face in the near near future. I am still loving my own place and being by myself! It is so nice to just come home and chill... I can clean when I want (which is very often), I can be comfortable in my crib, and I can go to bed as early or as late as I want! I tend to go early because of school and the fraternity.... which by the way, we have just hit our 2 year mark! I am working with the founder now to set up a scholarship fund for individuals of trans experience to assist with surgeries. Being that I am saving so much, I figured it would only be appropriate to put the amount that I have saved as the first funds for the scholarship. I need to figure out what I want to call it. Probably Mu Man something. LOL. But I know that I have to get my paperwork in order, and I may be able to get some grants and stuff to help with the funding of some of it. I have no idea how to write a grant proposal; however, I have a lot of contacts that I am sure would love to be a part of this!

But that is all I have for now.... Until next time!